I wonder how many women experience a lackadaisical libido at various times in their lives. Honestly, I would have to count myself among them lately.

On Thursday, I had lunch with a dear friend and Coach colleague in the city. Her name is Peggy Ahn. We met when we did our Coach Certification training together at IPEC in New York. Peg chose to focus on Relationship coaching and I focus my work on teaching women how to overcome emotional eating.

I always appreciate Peg’s sage advice. She is very wise and I deeply value her thoughts and perspective when it comes to sharing some of my coaching challenges related to my own marriage.  I explained to her yesterday that I had realized that I was working too hard and that I was neglecting spending time with my husband, Angel

I went on to tell her that I sometimes tend to fall into a rut in terms of always working even when I’m not working. That means that I can be sitting down to dinner with the family and in my head I can be finishing a product or writing a press release. I’m a multi tasker at heart and I’m coming clean here.

This is certainly not the ultimate and ideal hot bed for a continual flourishing romance… if you know what I mean! I shared with Peg that even though I adore my husband I rarely think about sex. To my way of thinking, there just seems to be too much else to consider. Don’t get me wrong when I’m involved and intimate with my husband, I love that but lately it has been difficult for me to slow down enough to get to the point of being present in that way.

I told Peggy about Kevin’s coaching of me before she and I met for lunch. She suggested that I stop taking myself so seriously and focus on letting my hair down and being silly and laughing with Angel more. She also loved Kevin’s idea of clearly defining my boundaries between work and home. We discussed many scenarios where I could enjoy being more intimate with him and let loose from the rut of always working.

On the bus ride home, I laid my plans. As soon as Angel picked me up from the bus station, I began flirting with him, we agreed that we’d like to have a light evening, no cooking and we both decided that we’d go out to dinner with the kids, perhaps our favorite Japanese Steakhouse.

A few minutes later, we were home and I flirted my way up the stairs with him. We enjoyed a bit of afternoon delight and I fell asleep afterwards.  He went back downstairs and I awoke to hear him screaming, “PT, how did the pipes burst?”

Still a bit groggy from my nap, I didn’t make the connection. I got into the shower in our bathroom and reached for faucet. There I stood in my birthday clothes fussing with the handle, noticing that no water was coming out of the shower head. I grabbed a robe and went downstairs. Angel told me that he didn’t want to wake me but we had some big problems because one of our pipes had frozen and it burst. He had turned off the water.

To make a long story short, he called a plumber who was able to come within minutes. The kids, Angel and I cleared out the pantry which was leaking from an overhead pipe that had burst. We decided to hold off on our Japanese dinner and ordered in Chinese. About an hour later, the plumber had fixed everything toute de suite.

During the evening, we all laughed and told stories and had so much fun. I haven’t had that much fun and enjoyed laughing like that in months. There we sat in the middle of our kitchen with the whole counter littered with food, boxes and cans from the pantry, bags of food all over the kitchen and the green room and our pantry shelving now standing in the kitchen. What a kick! If I wasn’t laughing, I would have cried so instead I focused on the laughter.

I never expected that a little laughter could lift a limping libido. Did you know that it could?

The next time you feel your inner femme fatale fading, assess what is going on in your life. Ask yourself a few questions:

  1. What can I do to have more fun with my mate?
  2. How can I do that now?
  3. How can I show how much I care and appreciate my mate now?
  4. What can I do that would add spice and keep things fun and interesting for both of us?

I’d love to hear your comments and feedback. Please share your thoughts and stories with me.