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Have you ever found yourself running to the pantry to scarf down a box of chocolate after saying, “yes” to someone when you really wanted to say, “No?” Do you have a hard time being assertive and letting people know what’s on your mind? Do you tend to be a people pleaser and find yourself completely overcommitted and overwhelmed? It’s no wonder you may find yourself eating out of control. That’s a sure sign that your boundaries are weak and someone is walking all over you. To remedy that, you just have to get clear about what you want and what’s important to you. Then share it with others.
Boundaries create healthy relationships for you and for others
Your ability to set boundaries reflects upon how much you respect yourself, your time, your values and you body. By demonstrating to others that you respect how you feel, and acting with integrity on your feelings, people will learn to respect you. We are always teaching people how we want to be treated. If you don’t like the way that you’re being treated by someone, don’t blame them, change how you treat yourself.
Having boundaries stops you from overcommitting and falling headfirst into situations where you get completely overwhelmed and end up feeling undervalued. By learning to be more assertive and stating what you will and won’t do, you free yourself of the guilt of making empty promises and looking like a scatter brain when you don’t do what you said you would do.
As you gain strength in becoming a more assertive and confident woman, you will be free to focus more time on doing what you love, those things that have real value for you, the ones that make your heart sing.
Opportunities to set boundaries are everywhere. At work, in the home, with friends, acquaintances, those annoying telemarketers who call when you’re just sitting down to dinner, Don’t forget Uncle Don when he tells you that you look like a truck driver from behind, and many more. Just like a mother bear, protecting her baby cub, your boundaries will protect you from getting taken advantage of by others. Here are five quick tips to set some healthy boundaries that will likely help to prevent those dreaded busted boundary binges.
1. Make time for you
Stop thinking of taking care of yourself as selfish. It’s not. Take a tip from the airlines. In the event of a loss of oxygen, the mother must always put her mask on first before placing a mask on her children. This is the only way for both the mother and child to be protected. As my colleague, Lorraine Cohen says, “when we take really good care of ourselves, the people in our lives get the best of us, rather than what’s left of us.”
2. Schedule your priorities
Get out your calendar and schedule the most important parts of your life first. If going to the gym is important to you, just ink it, don’t think it. Unless you have something scheduled, it’s much too easy to blow it off and pretend that it’s not important. When you have something to look forward to each day, it builds up your self esteem. When your self esteem gets a lift you won’t feel compelled to do any heavy fork lifting. Write it down, make it happen.
3. Clear the clutter
Take time to re-evaluate what’s important to you. That means getting down and dirty and cleaning up, mentally, emotionally and physically. By reviewing your schedule, you’re likely to see where in your life you’ve become overcommitted and underappreciated. The first step to change is becoming aware.
4. Cope with your stress
You must deal with the buggin’ you’s that keep you tied up in knots. Do whatever you must to find a consistent way of dealing with the stress that threatens to keep you eating when you’re not hungry.
5. Seek support
Join a support community of like minded women who are committed to helping you by encouraging you to set boundaries. Gain inspiration and wisdom from their experiences so that you can deal with the fall out of friends and family whose cages will get rattled by the new you.
Change is always difficult. That’s why it’s best to take a step by step approach to setting boundaries. Start low and gradually raise the bar. Practice setting a boundary with someone in a low risk position, like a telemarketer or role play with a buddy. Then gradually turn your little meow into a big roar.
And if you’re a gal struggling with excess weight and there’s no support community in your area that truly understands you and fits your needs, then you can always join my free Yahoo group. Just click the link below to check it out.